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Bobby and the Door-Kickers

PSNI Detective Superintendent Bobby Singleton is the poster boy of the handsomely funded specialist unit within the British security forces known as the ‘Paramilitary Crime Task Force’. This outfit have been charged by the British establishment with the responsibility of bringing to an end the existence of “paramilitary” organisations. 

From the get-go, the Task Foce identified two organisations of particular interest; the UDA, based primarily in unionist areas, and the INLA, based primarily in nationalist areas. The countless number of other organised groupings that exist are seemingly of no concern to Bobby and the door-kickers, for reasons they’re unlikely to disclose to the public in any transparent manner.

The beginning of Bobby and the Task Force was bright and shiny, with politicians warning that ‘Bobby is Coming’ with an abundance of resources to weed out those in our communities that they deem to be ‘suffocating working class areas’ and evading capture for too long. Those that gave birth to this task force obviously recognised that your run of the mill PSNI bootmen are useful only for manning night patrols and dancing in the mirror with their glocks before their shifts begin.

Nonetheless, the Task Force began its operations and have since made a name for themselves by raiding houses, arresting people and appearing on UTV Live whenever the opportunity arises. The media attention provided to the Task Force has been generous, so much so to the extent that Bobby Singleton is appearing in news articles for confiscating cheap cigarettes and hand rolling tobacco.

Bobby undoubtedly claims to his superiors that the confiscation of the cigarettes has dealt a massive blow to organised crime here, or even that the cigarettes were ‘Paramilitary Fegs’, with balaclavas on the packaging, but as young people lie homeless, suffering from addiction and a whole host of other serious issues plaguing our cities, what is Bobby Singleton doing on the ‘feg run’?

The Task Force have made countless arrests during the course of their operational life time until present. These arrests include ex-prisoners, suspected ‘paramilitaries’ and drug dealers. In short, Bobby and the door-kickers have thrown the handcuffs at every moving object, but there is a method in their madness. In these arrest operations, scooping a known republican whilst simultaneously arresting a drug dealer, creates confusion and fuels the rumour mill.

On three high-profile arrest operations, the Task Force have arrested republicans and at the same time, raided the homes of suspected drug dealers. Upon finding drugs in the suspected drug dealers’ homes, Bobby announces that in arresting republicans, he has located drugs. This is a simple tactic designed by the Task Force to impress upon newsreaders that republicans are involved in dealing drugs, and in particular, that the Republican Socialist Movement are involved in dealing drugs.

To this date, NO convictions whatsoever have been accomplished by Bobby Singleton against any suspected INLA members. Bobby and the door kickers were handed millions and millions of pounds in funding to ‘find the treasure’ and bring down those ‘Paramilitary Godfathers’, but all Bobby has come up with are PR stunts and fruitless house raids. 

The Paramiltarty Crime Task Force have now become known for arresting people and falling apart in the interview rooms of Musgrave Street barracks. 

One of the Task Force officers questioning a republican activist in Musgrave Street barracks recently broke down in tears whilst questioning the republican, confessing that Bobby Singleton conducts an occasional lottery game in which the cops are sent to arrest whatever suspected INLA man whose name is picked out of a hat. Apparently, arrests must occur regularly enough to justify the funding that has been allocated to the project. 

Bobby Singleton has been described by the Lurgan Mail Newspaper as a ‘Sex Symbol’. This is based around his appearances in countless media outlets and the comments on Facebook by admirers of his appearance, but at least he’s the symbol of something, because he certainly isn’t a symbol of successful policing as he couldn’t secure a conviction for a criminal offence if he was handed a confession statement by the perpetrator.

Isn’t it time you throw in the towel Bobby? My six year old nephew had a better success rate with his picks at Cheltenham than you’ve had since you took up that modelling post for the Task Force. You should start getting the hang of posting letters to Maghaberry, because at this rate, it looks like that’s all you’ll be sending.

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